Round one of chemo was on 12th January. This is basically the journey to the end. Treatment doesn’t stop now until my Dad stops it, or, it stops him.
How’s this Aspie dealing with things? As much as I thought I could “be sad” without turning it into anger, well, that didn’t last. The week before last I was pretty explosive. It certainly didn’t take much to set me off, and off I went a couple of times. And apologise I did, afterwards. I just sort of feel ‘flat’ now.
The ‘not knowing’ is making things hard for me. The side effects weren’t much of anything the first couple of days, he just couldn’t eat/drink/touch anything cold. Yesterday he was fatigued, he slept most of the day. Of course I was expecting the worst – nausea etc, but that hasn’t come and I’m glad about it. He’s lost 3 kilos in a week. He’s eating and drinking ok, but he’s doing it because he knows he has to, not because he feels much like he wants to. He has to take pain medication for his bone cancers that hurt him, which is making his constipated – it’s like a trade off, you sacrifice something in an attempt to reduce something else. It scares me that quality of life may be sacrificed for quantity – I’ve read so much, seen pictures, it’s just a prick of a cancer.
I’ve been trying to keep busy, I took my son to see some family members on the weekend which was good, and he’s having swimming lessons every day. I’m trying to not let my thoughts consume me. I read every spare minute I get – anything not to think of reality right now. Well, more so to not think about the fact there’s nothing I can do to change reality. Dads got a positive attitude about him and I wish I could join it, I keep up appearances around him, but at home it’s gone.