It’s been a big 3 months, well 5 months, but 3 since I got assessed as Level 1 ASD according to the DSM-V.
What have I learnt? Lots and nothing. How do I feel? Everything and nothing. How has my life changed? In every way and not at all.
I was so passionate to learn all I could about Autism and myself, and as per usual, my passion burns out. I read about the stereotypical Autistics who have “obsessions“, I’ve yet to find one that ‘sticks’. I get intensely interested for a period of time, then I’m done. This blog is a good example of that!
It’s almost unnerving at times realising that some things aren’t things everyone does. Memories as an example; I didn’t know not everyone can remember events so vividly. I didn’t know not everyone can’t block out background noise.
I didn’t know so many things because they’re not things that come up in general conversation! I’ve never asked people how they think, etc. It’s almost amusing how I can coast through life for 29 years thinking something’s not quite right but never quite being able to put your finger on what that something is.
- I’ve learnt that my lack of Theory of Mind wreaks havoc in my life.
- I realise why I study people and have all my life.
- I realise why, coupled with emotional underdevelopment, I can regress to a childlike state when things don’t go the way I expected in the moment.
- I’ve realised that I embarrass myself more than anyone else can.
- I’ve realised I’m stubbornly ‘right‘, when my mind is set on something I struggle to to change it. I’ve usually thought something through so thoroughly that arguing with me is often pointless because I have a counter for everything.
- I’ve realised I’m really good at jumping to conclusions based upon behavioural patterns I have perceived as patterns. Key words being; “I have perceived“.
- I’ve realised just how intense my emotions are and how they can burn out just as quickly.
- I’ve realised sadness is an emotion that sits least well with me. To the point, I will flip a switch and turn it to anger as quickly as I can, because anger fades quicker than sadness.
- I’ve realised my baseline emotion is ‘ok‘.
- I’ve realised that it can take a few days to process events, that I can be angry a few days after something happens and seemingly fine at the time. Which often doesn’t make sense to me; why my emotions are delayed.
I’ve realised lots of things! This is my experience. It really is true if you’ve met one Autistic, you’ve met one Autistic…