I’ve been a bit quiet on here, there’s been a lot going on but I thought I’d share a bit of my latest stuff. There have been a few words floating around in my mind lately, namely;
I feel like I am so close to connecting the dots with these. I can see the relation they all have – but getting it to stick is another matter entirely. These are relevant terms in my life right now; one way or another they are all holding me back – too much fear, not enough forgiveness, trust and vulnerability.
This is my latest mapping – I feel like I need a bigger art book. There are so many terms there to unpack, and my pens have gone missing (i.e. I forget where I left them).
But, I did want to share a short story of vulnerability, trust and forgiveness that I recently instigated. Practice makes perfect, right?
My son is 4.5, he hasn’t seen his father since he was 10 months old. Recently we have been in contact. Since my Autism diagnosis I have looked at a lot of situations in my life and have seen the role I played in them differently through that lens – not always positively. My son has been asking a lot about his Dad lately, and so I reached out to him to begin to repair that bridge. I decided to disclose my diagnosis at the risk of a negative reaction – vulnerability. His reaction was positive and he thanked me for trusting him with that information, then he disclosed to me he’s been doing therapy. We spoke about forgiveness of past mistakes and misunderstandings, and decided that the best way to move forward is to leave the past in the past. Because my vulnerability was well received, and I was able to tell him exactly what I needed from him communication wise so as to limit misunderstanding in the future, I feel able to give him my trust – slowly but surely. It’s on him to follow through with his actions, which will also build trust. How this will all turn out is out of my hands – an Aspies worst nightmare! – but I am giving it a go! My hope is that his father and I can build a solid working friendship which we all benefit positively from – time will tell! And I’m proud of myself for doing it.
Just a quick post, I need to do more maps. Alexithymia is, I’m thinking, a big issue with a lot of things in my life. I think that’s the direction my learning/researching is headed, stay tuned! (Of course, again, this is not a scientific blog just a personal one of my Autistic journey figuring out how it all works 😊)