I read through the email I got sent after my diagnosis last night and realised I had missed a couple of points on there, the first being Sensory Processing Disorder and the second being ADHD.
How did I miss seeing that?! Due to a deficit in attention, possibly? I know, I’m hilarious (p.s. Yes, I know ADHD actually isn’t a deficit of attention 😉, maybe I’m not so hilarious 🤔)
See, as much as Aspergers accounts for a lot of things, after a bit of a search online, ADHD makes a lot of sense too. A lot of the “symptoms” for both appear to overlap. This was the link that was also in the email. And the results are as follows:
In a previous post I mentioned I was happy and bouncy last week – it’s true, I was. I get in these childlike moods that make me unable to sit still and I feel like I can do anything; I become hyperactive. This hyperactivity reminds me of being a child on Christmas Eve; so excited for Christmas! But it’s nowhere near Christmas, and I’m not a child.
I quite like being hyperactive to be honest. It’s fun and the whole world seems positive and life is great! It’s anxiety turned into adrenaline (in my non-scientific opinion)! But then … I make decisions in this state. Impulsive carefree/careless decisions. Why should I worry? Life is so fantastic right now!
I can actually see why I was (mis)diagnosed as having BPD traits. When I am hyperactive I am often compulsive. Alcohol, gambling, sex, food, spending money. (I don’t drink alcohol anymore and very rarely gamble. Motherhood has changed some things for the better!)
In general every day life if I am not stimulated I get bored. And when I get bored I become restless and frustrated and eventually angry. I’ll project that anger outwards and I create stimulation through response. I didn’t realise I do this until I read about it and *lightbulb moment* – yes, yes I do. Read Drama Queen – an embarrassing revelation to say the least. But I know I do this, I’ve done it in the past a few times that I can recall – not with malicious intent. The more I think about it, it’s actually something I’ve realised I did/do but never quite understood why – boredom makes sense. I have an intense dislike for drama but geez I can be dramatic at times.
If you put the need for stimulation from ADHD and the underdevelopment of emotional capacity from ASD together – well, isn’t that a recipe for disaster. Sprinkle a bit of anxiety on top, with the cherry being conflict avoidance. Add dyscalculia into the equation because I have trouble telling the time – it’s a burnt recipe for disaster at that.
Impaired Executive Function is common in ASD and ADHD. I am executively dysfunctional let me assure you. For example – housework. There is no routine to it, just lots of half finished jobs. Every. Time.
I’m either all in to something, or uninterested. It really doesn’t take long for me to lose interest in something I’ve been passionate about. Unless it provides a lot of stimulation I get bored. Sadly, I feel the same way towards people. That is probably a lot to do with my Aspiness too – dislike of small talk and trivial crap (I.e. anything that doesn’t interest me). I really do have a short attention span though. If you’re going to tell me something get to the point and quickly.
Can struggle with moods! Yes, I can! And I do! Mood swings in Aspergers and mood swings in ADHD seem to be common? Considering both involve a lot of mental processing, I can’t say I’m shocked at this. I’ve often thought my brain is a contradiction to itself – e.g. I like things to be organised but am so disorganised. I have no problems believing that at least half the issue with my moods swinging can be put down to my rigid black/white views on the way the world should be vs the way the world is. Well, my world and the people in it, in particular.
Anyway, ADHD as a comorbid is a new fascinating topic for me to read up on. Which is good, because I think I’ve just about exhausted Google from looking up Aspergers! And realistically, it’s just a comorbid component of my special interest = win!