Love. Romantic love. We listen to songs about it, watch programs and movies about it, read about it in books and on social media, we see examples in our everyday lives; our parents, our friends, family members, little old couples walking down the street hand in hand. It’s beautiful.
You know what messes it up?
Expectation that love equates to happiness all of the time and that anything less, or that deviates from this ideal, must not be “real” love.
Expectation that if love is not all consuming between two people, that they don’t want to spend every minute of everyday together, then it must not be “real” love.
Expectation that your other half will instinctively know what you think, how you feel, what’s going on in your head and respond appropriately every time, and if not, it must not be “real” love.
Expectation that love means liking everything that your other half does and they will like everything you do. That you automatically “sync” on every level, otherwise, yep – not “real” love.
Love is being vulnerable.
Love is trust.
Love is belief.
Love is like looking at something, closing your eyes, and knowing it’s still there even when you can’t see it.
And love is messy.
Because, people are messy.
Messy with words.
Messy with actions.
Messy with thoughts.
Messy love is still “true” because true love IS messy. No real relationship on Earth is 100% fantastic 100% of the time. None!
It’s a concept I’ve struggled with – infallibility. Black/white, all/nothing, detail orientated/missing the bigger picture thinking! It may be something I always struggle with.
But are my expectations of love someone else’s problem or mine? They’re mine.
And what are they driven by? Fear.
And where does the fear stem from? The “unknown“.
And how do I “fix” that? Love!
So, check your own expectations, and your own fears, and what’s driving you to build a metaphorical fortress around yourself.
People hurt people they love everyday unintentionally. And hurt people, hurt people even more. Doesn’t mean they don’t love you as much as they can in the only way that they can, sometimes you just have to have faith in the “grey“.
Side note: Love is NOT physically, verbally and psychologically abusive. Sure, people fuck up (infallibility), partners have disagreements, but don’t get real love confused with domestic violence.
Domestic Violence Resource