As I spoke about in a previous post, I don’t like surprises (or presents – or presence sometimes either to be honest!). I don’t like the uneasy feeling of not knowing, I don’t like not being able to prepare how to act. So I am wondering how I will feel tomorrow when I am either diagnosed as Autistic or not.
I didn’t sleep well last night, I had an argument with my Dad over the phone then sent him a text when I was upset over this because of his unsupportive, critical and ignorant nature. I had to be up at a certain time this morning and drop my son at preschool so I could get back home to start my assessment via Skype. I feel exhausted but know tonight will be just as sleepless and restless. I have horrible sleep patterns on a good night let alone when I have something to do the next day!
Whatever way tomorrow goes I do have to say that Tania Marshall is the first psychologist I’ve ever seen/spoken to that has made me feel completely at ease. Which is exactly what I needed to be, I needed to be able to be open and there’s not many people who can get that guard to fall down. I commend her on her approach, no judgements, no raised eyebrows or condescending tones, just understanding and validation. It was different! But I felt good after the session finished (and very tired!), somewhat relieved that my words hadn’t failed me. Thank you Tania!
So, tomorrow! I really don’t know how it will go. I hope whatever the answer/s that it leads me on to a path of acceptance for who I am. I know people say “you’re still young” at 29, but I have always felt twice my age, and yet at times I feel half my age. Hopefully this makes sense tomorrow! Hopefully I make sense of myself tomorrow.
I am scared but excited. And I’ll be forever grateful for the Autistic community that I have had the pleasure of ‘meeting’ through here and on Twitter for all of their acceptance and support – all are by far the BEST people I have ever met. Thank you all ❤️. If I am not diagnosed tomorrow, at least I can go forward with my eyes wide open to the issues and stigma faced and try to educate people with the knowledge I have gained (also point them in the direction of all the wonderful Autistic authors I have read so they can educate themselves), in 2016 there’s no excuse for the ignorance Autistic Adults face. ❤️