Why are people so hard to read? People write books, why can’t people be like books? Why can’t people be open and honest like book characters? Maybe that’s why I read a lot of fiction, there’s generally no guess work involved, it’s all just *there*. Wouldn’t it be lovely if instead of having to listen, people had thought bubbles that popped up above their heads and we could read and understand it. Wouldn’t it be lovely if communication was simply words, honest straight forward words, instead of having to try and match the words with tone of voice, body language etc.
I wish I could trust spoken words from other people but there’s just been so many cases that they’ve proved untrustworthy. I truly believe that actions speak louder than words. I place extreme importance on this in my life. Words can be lies, actions generally aren’t – showing someone you care about them is better than just telling them. Actions are (generally) solid evidence of follow through on words – which builds trust. If I am extremely angry, I will often say horrible things I don’t mean, but watch for the follow up. My apology, whilst I will voice it, will generally be found in my actions. You want to know if I care? See what I DO rather than what I SAY. I am not saying my words can’t be trusted but considering the amount of things I have constantly running through my head trying to make sense of it all, at times things are going to connect to things they shouldn’t, I’ll run with it because it makes sense, it doesn’t mean it’s “right” but it’s very hard to disconnect the dots (stress, fatigue, and past experience do not help with this process). So please let my actions show you that I care even when my words don’t match, as I figure myself out, I hope to get these two things on the same page. And never believe that my external appearance even gives you a glimpse into what goes on internally.
Ugh. Life is harder at times than others.