Judgementals.

“Have you taken your tablet?” Or “Are you still taking your tablets?” – I hate hearing that. 

I got prescribed 10mg Lexapro tablets a few months ago for anxiety, at the time they really helped. Well, I think they did. Having my ex boyfriend out of sight with no triggering reminders around probably helped more. 

But the above questions are asked as if they are a solution to a bad day. I hate the stigma that mental health has. It’s like you can’t have normal human emotional days without it being attributed to a possible chemical imbalance. Sometimes I have sad days, not because of depression. Sometimes I am nervous about an upcoming event, not because of anxiety. Most times it’s just because I am human!

I hate having my feelings minimised. I have the right to be upset/angry etc when things are done to me that I do not like and that hurt me – minimising this to my mental health is not fair. And it also shifts the blame of the action on to me, as though if I didn’t have issues with depression and anxiety, and wasn’t on anxiety tablets I wouldn’t react the way I do. My mental health doesn’t excuse others’ hurtful behaviour! Mocking and belittling me by assuming I didn’t take my “happy pills” HURTS. They might help my anxiety but they don’t cure other people from being arseholes. What a shame. I could prescribe those to a few people.

Maybe if people were a little bit quicker to try and understand and a little bit slower to judge the world would be a nicer place for all. Not everyone understands things the same way as others!

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This entry was published on July 15, 2016 at 7:48 AM. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “Judgementals.

  1. Hi A,
    I’m really sorry to read about your distress.
    As I said many times before, I’m in no position whatsoever to give any advice, especially from a professional point of view, nevertheless, as I myself go thorough the phase of discovering newer and newer details about my own condition(s), I am learning how to better cope with life’s waves of demand. But I do notice similarities between what I experience and what others experience, and if I find anything worth considering for myself, I guess it would be OK to share my thoughts 🙂
    Reading about your anxiety, and remembering (I hope correctly) that you’ve been diagnosed with it before your upcoming AS assessment, I can recollect my own journey for many years now to various clinicians, with episodes of severe anxiety symptoms, depression etc. for which nevertheless, I was able to connect strong stress factors caused by personal matters I was going through at the time(s). These were serious family related issues, work related problems including loss of job because of prolonged work stress, a life of being bullied and cheated because of my honesty and naive trust in people etc. But until now, when it turns out that my hidden life on the spectrum may have been the REAL ROOT ISSUE all along, I have never thought of the need to start reconsidering how I must address these “comorbidities” in the future. So doing some very basic research I have found even in common places like Wikipedia, that ASD/Asperger’s is oftentimes accompanied by anxiety and depression. The two articles I have found are:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conditions_comorbid_to_autism_spectrum_disorders
    I guess in the long run, people diagnosed with ASD/Asperger’s might need to revisit previous diagnoses in light of any new findings.
    Obviously, anxiety and depression are very real and need attention on their own, but anything new which comes into light, which may influence these in some way, might need to be taken into account.
    Until then, finding THAT “something” which calms the inner storms, or pierces the greyness, is worth anyone’s efforts.
    Yesterday, I had the chance of communicating with two colleagues, clinicians, whom I told about the stress caused by this period of waiting and uncertainty. Amongst many truly useful things they’ve told me, one came through especially, and that is that I must avoid “coming down hard on myself” for everything I realise could have been different, if I would have known about my problems earlier. I am slowly realising that what happened, happened not because of what I “wanted” but because of what I “didn’t know”, and in my opinion, that is true both about myself, and my environment. So I need time to assimilate what I started to know about myself, which in turn is going to be reflected onto those with whom I come in contact, and I chose to inform.
    For all my life I thought solitude is wrong, and that my mind’s desperate attempts to live in its own “perfect world” with its routines, rules, patterns and stims, is something which needs to be changed, if I want to “belong”.
    Well, I have just started to learn that MY WORLD, which never caused anyone any harm, is truly perfect, and it is MINE. But since it’s mine, it will not necessarily be neither understood, nor accepted by others living in their own individual, or commonly shared worlds.
    And if in my world there’s no harm to anyone, including myself, it’s a truly perfect world.
    So, every day, I’m learning to pay my respects to my own world’s one inhabitant, which is the good old ME, and it seems to be working.
    Instead of running “away” from my inner self, I am learning to run “along” with my inner self, and I am enjoying it.
    As I said elsewhere, it’s like I have found a twin brother which I always felt I might have had, but never met, even though he was very, very close, actually inside the world I tried to run away from.
    So the more you’ll understand yourself, the less you’ll need others to understand you 🙂
    OMG, I wrote another essay, sorry about that, again 😉
    Take care,
    Moshe

    Like

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