Socially exhausting?

My neighbours are a really nice retired couple, I’ve now met all of their adult kids and grandkids as of last night. Earlier today their son told me he’d come around later for a chat, so I said “yeah no worries”, assuming it was just something said in passing conversation. But he did. He turned up. Mind you, I met this man last night (at their family BBQ I awkwardly went to – I was put on the spot and agreed, God I hate that), I didn’t even know he existed until a couple of days ago. So three hours after he’d arrived he left to go back to his parents’ place to cook dinner. He’s a nice guy don’t get me wrong, but I am exhausted. Three hours of listening to someone talk and awkwardly trying to add things to the conversation myself makes me feel like I’ve just run a marathon without the shortness of breath. Trying not to trip over my words takes a lot of concentration. I have a headache brewing too. And I’ve realised this is actually not a new phenomenon for me, all socialising makes me feel an utter sense of exhaustion after a while. Why does conversation do this? It’s not something that uses a lot of energy, but it does? Staying engaged and trying to be genuinely interested in what someone says is literally tiring. He invited my son and I over for dinner tonight but I had to decline, I need rest. I feel like I am lazy! And I also realise how often in the past I have pushed this exhaustion aside to keep going in social situations. No wonder I burn myself out and have down days. How do other people manage this?

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This entry was published on July 11, 2016 at 8:20 AM. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

6 thoughts on “Socially exhausting?

  1. Simply stopped going and politely decline ALL invitations and self-invitations. Today, I can proudly say that I HAVE NO FRIENDS, AND I FEEL GREAT. AND I don’t miss friends either. My ONLY social circle is my narrow family and work colleagues, most of whom are aware of who I am, and have learned to let me be when I make a run for an empty office, or just simply out the door.
    What I am finding more and more amazing, is the fondness I have for people living on different planets of our special Universe. Here, I can be unapologetically ME.
    I am doing my best not to hurt anyone with my bluntness, because I abhore suffering. I’ve had enough of it myself…
    What I am sorry about is the many decades trying to please the world and its social norms. I could have done SO MANY things in the time I wasted on my frustrating and failed attempts to blend in. So, I realised that if animals/creatures are thought about as having rights, that would surely apply to me as well šŸ™‚
    I communicate via email, to the extent of asking colleagues to write what they are about to start telling me, otherwise I simply forget about it. Or I pull my notebook and write point by point what they are saying.
    And I learned NOT to apologise anymore for having been born without prior consent šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • I find communication via written word SO MUCH easier. I accept mostly all invitations and then cancel most, never understood why I do this. I guess it’s all a part of the self discovery journey šŸ˜Š finding my strengths and weaknesses and what I need from others which is something I haven’t looked at before. Love your last sentence, I look forward to getting to that point that I can do that too šŸ˜ŠšŸ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

      • Wow, I thought it’s just me accepting all invitations, and after that cancelling most of them…
        I guess that’s a maladaptive strategy, a compulsion to “fit in”, which being maladaptive nevertheless, will be overruled by our mental capacity to integrate or not perceived details. Unfortunately, when you are offered an invitation, your minds sees that only, without the bigger picture. After a while though, when it attempts to process it, it will reject it, because you attempted to engage in a bigger picture which wasn’t yours, hence you’ll hardly be willing to integrate within it.
        I am learning now to ask for a bit of time before giving and answer, which would usually be a nicely packaged, no…
        I hope it makes sense šŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes!! That makes perfect sense! I generally don’t look at the bigger picture, it’s usually closer to the event that I start to stress. Great perspective, thank you! I will have to try that, not say “yes” straight away and then turn it into a “no”, I guess it’s about learning my limits socially šŸ˜ŠšŸ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Since my diagnosis I take care to limit that kind of social interaction. At most, once a fortnight I will meet someone for coffee, and limit it to a couple of hours. I find it easy to explain my limits to friends in advance; if I’m not comfortable enough to do this I won’t arrange to meet up at all. I’ve also cancelled a lot of holiday arrangements that would involve extended socialising. I’ve told people it’s just while I find my feet, but suspect this will be a long term plan!
    I hope you figure out what will work for you soon šŸ˜Š xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you šŸ˜Š I have my assessment in a month, I am hoping that it will give me clarification and then I can really get to know why my limits are limits and can implement strategies like yours with an explanation as to why, instead of seeming anti-social “just because”. I’d like to have an explanation (NOT excuse) for myself, and others I care about, and be able to set boundaries if that makes sense? šŸ˜Š xx

      Liked by 2 people

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