Silence is better than being misunderstood.

It’s so frustrating having a head full of words and having them fail you when you need them most. Or having them twisted into something they’re not. Or failing to get your point across. Or using them the wrong way, which means you miss out on what you want. Or using them for honesty which gets you in strife or rejected. Or using them to hurt someone because you are hurting. Sometimes I wonder why bother communicating at all. If you’re silent you can’t be embarrassed, you can’t be misunderstood, you can’t be hurt. 

Sometimes I do say what I don’t mean, I do it to get answers. I guess it is lying. But isn’t that the “game” men and women “play”? Isn’t that how you find out how someone really feels about you? My ex used to give the advice to others – to find out how someone felt about you add competition to the equation. Guess he never considered this would be used against him. And it’s shit. All it leads to is arguments that you never wanted. And in the end you know what happens? The one you really want gives up and you’re left with the one you don’t. I never thought this was good advice, he certainly never gave it to me, I told him to tell his advisees to be honest with how they felt, ask where they stand. That only works if you’re asking the right person it seems.

I am someone who needs definitive answers. I NEED to know. I need to be reassured that someone hasn’t changed their mind. I can imagine I am frustrating to others. But people DO change their minds. They’re not books where it’s all written down in front of you, whose words don’t change. People are fluid. You can do everything in the world for someone and they can still turn their back on you. You can be there for others when they need you every time, it doesn’t mean it will be reciprocated. 

The human race saddens me at times. I read and read and read, I try and follow the rules, I try and remember people have agency, they have choice. It’s hard when you want to be that choice and you get left feeling like an option. What more can you do or give of yourself when the “everything” you’ve done and given isn’t enough? Failure is depressing. It’s just another notch in the life experience belt of many.

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This entry was published on July 10, 2016 at 11:47 PM. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

6 thoughts on “Silence is better than being misunderstood.

  1. It is not the “game” men and woman play. It is the game “he” plays. You are not subject to play the same game. You don’t have to lie and say something you don’t mean. This will give a response you don’t understand because it is not what you meant in the first place. Not every man plays a game. As a matter of fact Men don’t play games. We leave that to the boys. Your honesty is beautiful and your vulnerability is what makes you strong. A man is not going to hurt you for being vulnerable but a boy will joyfully play with your vulnerability. Play games if you will, there is plenty of boys that want to “play”. Check out my post and let me know if anything helps you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I do feel for you…
    That’s why I learned to communicate in writing.
    There’s a latin proverb I learned early in school (we still had mandatory classical languages): “Verba volant, scripta manent” meaning “Speach flies, writing remanins”. This way it’s hard to have my words mannipulated against me, and I can carefully, without pressure, make sure that my writing follows my thoughts. Don’t let yourself be pressurised into fast paced verbal exchanges. I know it’s easy to say it, and it doesn’t always work, but once you make it a pattern, it’s easier to follow.
    As for the human race, well, on my own planet it’s just the odd me 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh! I’m going to put that on my wall (the Latin version)! Perfect! I can express myself in writing, I enjoy it better than verbal communication, if I never had to ‘talk’ again I’d be happy. A silent world – perfection! I am beginning to realise that this is just a part of me and it’s not something I really WANT to change and I’ve got to learn how to be ok with that in the face of others’ expectations 😊 (I have huge issues with what others’ think of me, need to get rid of those too!)

      Like

      • Silent world, suits me perfectly, and with my ear defenders, heaven 🙂
        Same here with what others think. And you better learn now that the only one you should be concerned with, is your own reflection within your own mind. I’m learning this only now, and it’s hard to beat over half a century of automatism, but I really enjoy myself 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. That definitely is something I need to learn how to do, all a part of getting to know myself and learning how to say “no”, putting myself before others at times not others before myself all the time. Thanks for your wisdom 😊🙌

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The guy who left me – ShivaniUday
    https://fashion1635.wordpress.com/2016/07/12/the-guy-who-left-me/

    This is my first post here . Please do take a look at it 🙂

    Like

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