Secrets and lies.

I’ve always hated lies. Especially ones that affect me. I don’t like lying, but sometimes I’ll do it. It’s usually to get myself out of trouble or not hurt someone’s feelings. I can actually be quite a good liar if I need to be, but it makes me feel guilty and more often than not I’ll admit the truth eventually. All those times I lied about what I was doing on weekends with friends as a teenager? Yep, my parents know it all. I’ve done a lot of silly things in the past to feel like I belong in a group of people.

I have found that many people DON’T want to hear the “truth” when they ask a question, they just want their own opinion validated and agreed with. But if I ask, for example, if something I am wearing to an event looks ok then that is exactly what I want to know! I am asking for you to give me your truth/opinion so I can change into something that looks better if its not appropriate! Please do not consider my feelings because I’ll be more embarrassed if I look out of place than from anything you can say to me. If I ask a question of you it means I value your opinion. I am thankful to have 3 friends and a sister who I can ask questions of who will give me an honest answer, sometimes they all have the same answer, sometimes not.
Secrets! I can keep my own. Some I’ve kept since I was a kid, only recently revealing them to my (now ex) partner. That release was good. But can I keep other people’s secrets? I got in to so much drama and fights about this when I was younger, still to this day really, but no, I generally can’t keep secrets. I try, and I understand why it’s important to do so, but I feel an overwhelming urge to unburden myself of knowing something especially if it’s potentially damaging to someone else. I usually offload them to my Mum. She’s my keeper of other peoples’ secrets. Unless someone specifically says to me “don’t tell anyone” then I don’t believe it is a secret and will talk about it if someone asks. I hate hurting people with the truth and I hate angering people by telling their truth. But I think that keeping secrets makes me feel conflicted in myself, it tries to force me into the grey zone of something I see in black and white. It amuses me that I’m basically hypocritical in this regard – I have to offload others’ secrets but can keep my own and I lie but can’t stand others’ lying. I have trust issues from people proving they can’t be trusted and people taking advantage of me throughout my life.
I can’t explain how I can “know” things but I find it very easy to research, collect “proof” and connect the dots when I feel something is off. I’ve caught people lying and cheating, I could seriously be a detective. I study people, I always have. Intent is something that I don’t quite understand especially when someone hurts someone else. I try so hard to see the grey and believe it. It’s something that has kept me in unhealthy relationships/friendships in the past – that grey area, e.g. “He’s like *that* because he had a tough childhood”, I am overly sympathetic (I once thought I was very empathetic but nope it’s sympathy that I often give). I don’t know how to close the door on people and lock it then throw away the key. I have tried, but give it a period of time and if they contact me I will respond.
I’m not sure where this post was going, I have the flu and it’s messing with me, so I’ll leave it here.

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This entry was published on July 4, 2016 at 4:06 AM. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

4 thoughts on “Secrets and lies.

  1. Yes, time you have known someone does not equal friendship.

    I also have been in trouble now and then with sharing people’s stories. I suppose that I assume that if they are telling me, it’s not because they especially trust me so it’s okay for others to know, when in actual fact they do especially trust *me*. But they need to tell me that it is for my ears only! I can’t decipher it on my own. But then I get annoyed when people tell me “don’t share this on Facebook” because my Facebook is obviously only about me..

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is a very true point!
      I’m a pretty awful liar, I can and I have don’t get me wrong, but it can be quite obvious lol. Temple Grandin’s book “Thinking in Pictures” has some interesting things to say about lying – like her, if I have to lie then I need to have thought of all the possibilities they’re going to ask me and have answers ready, otherwise I crumble lol.
      Ahh Facebook, causes nothing but problems, I took myself off it for over a month just recently reactivated it and deleted most of my “friends list” – it truly is a popularity contest on that thing 😩

      Like

      • Oh my I was literally just saying to my BFF last night that in light of this discovery I won’t want to ‘come out’ as such but at the same time I don’t want to hide it, and I definitely don’t want it to be a topic of gossip so it’s time for a very big FB cleanse!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I haven’t “come out” on Facebook, don’t think I will, I’ve just shared bits and pieces on there – mainly quotes and articles, all my nearest and dearest know! Twitter is different, that’s my international Aspie community I’ve found, free to be “me” without worrying about gossip from people who know me 😃

        Liked by 1 person

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